11th December 2003, 19:33
| #1 (permalink) |
| UBF tea lady & Administrator  Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 15,466
|  Cybersex... . Dave: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 38-24-36. What do you look like? Dave: I'm 6'3" and about 250 lbs. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from C&A. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of madras sauce on it from dinner...and it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me? Dave: OK Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and bedside table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Dave: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Dave: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. Dave: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster. Dave: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole inyour blouse. I'm sorry. Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. Dave: I'll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder. Dave: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Dave: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Dave: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Dave: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Dave: I'm so sorry; Really. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Dave: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Dave: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Dave: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. Sweetheart: What's the matter? Dave: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Dave: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Sweetheart: Can I help? Dave: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. Dave: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Dave: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. Dave: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Dave: I found it. Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.. Dave: Me too. Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other. Dave: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses? Dave: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the bedside table. Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Dave: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. Dave: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Dave: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What's the matter now? Dave: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. Dave: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Dave: I'm touching your smooth arse. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! Dave: I'm flaccid. Sweetheart: What? Dave: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. Dave: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my cock is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. Dave: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the bedside table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. Dave: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Dave: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Sweetheart: <logged off> . |
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11th December 2003, 20:00
| #3 (permalink) |
| Gold Member  Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 3,546
| mgt won't be happy you've posted that private conversation you had together  (Sorry .... couldn't resist) 
__________________ DOYLISM OF THE DAY: “Back from London and feeling like that train ran over me again. My wife wanted to go upstairs and make love. I told her to choose one or the other, I couldn’t do both.” |
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11th December 2003, 20:51
| #4 (permalink) |
| Justified Ancient of Mummu (Administrator)  Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Lilliput Age: 25
Posts: 28,350
| Fat chance, bambam. the_mgt weighs 98lbs. when wet and 36 doesn't wear a bra.............I think   Radio Announcer............."the part of Dave was played by Hank Sumatra" |
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12th December 2003, 09:16
| #6 (permalink) |
| Gold Member  Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Glasgow
Posts: 962
 | absolute quality 36  i had almost forgotten what 8am looked like- unfortunately today i have reaquainted myself with this ungodly hour, i am glad however that the first thing i did after getting out of bed was to pop in here..........this thread has set me up nicely for the rest of what is going to be a very long day  p.s i wondered if a time would come when i'd be on here and the MGT wasn't well i'm wondering no more- the man does take a break
__________________ I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day! |
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16th April 2006, 10:42
| #13 (permalink) |
| Floppy Member  Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: A stable in Wantage Age: 14
Posts: 1,986
| Re: Cybersex... Drayton, Thanks for finding this gem from the archive. I hadn't seen it before and had tears in my eyes by the end of it! Nice one 36.  ISJ
__________________ The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. |
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17th April 2006, 09:10
| #14 (permalink) |
| Ever Present 1973/74  Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 40
Posts: 6,191
| Re: Cybersex... In the spirit of 36's post... bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight? BritneySpears14: Aight. bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah. BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja. bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up. bloodninja: Me too baby. BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest. bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. BritneySpears14: Hey... bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite. BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it. bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness. BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous. bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands. bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid. BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****. bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him. bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now. bloodninja: Baby? --------------------------------------------------- More here: http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm
__________________ There is no Devil; just God when he drinks. Last edited by Cormack : 17th April 2006 at 09:15. |
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17th April 2006, 09:18
| #15 (permalink) |
| Ever Present 1973/74 Join Date: Feb 2005 Age: 40
Posts: 6,191
| Re: Cybersex... (There is a follow-up) BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready? eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready. BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee. eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies. BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you. BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique. eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat. BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again. eminemBNJA: Oh **** BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up. eminemBNJA: Oh **** eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
__________________ There is no Devil; just God when he drinks. |
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already think this forum is great!!!
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